Why do I keep falling for the same kind of men?

Do you find yourself attracted to the same type of men over and over again? Have you ever wondered how come your new partner resembles your ex so much?

There is a pattern in who we find attractive. In this article I want to help you understand your pattern, and if you choose to – change it.

Each one of us has the inner feminine and the inner masculine. These two energies in you (these two personas) shape to a huge degree who you will be attracted to.

The spiritual path is about developing and claiming both these parts of ourselves. And whether you are actively pursuing any spiritual practice or not, your subconscious mind directs you towards people and experiences that will allow the development of these two aspects of your being. Whether you like it or not, this will impact who you find attractive, because intimate relationships offer the fastest way to do it.

Understanding that relationships have a deep purpose of helping you heal and claim all of the neglected parts of yourself, changes everything we know about love.

Relationships are not about finding your one true soul mate, live a love story like depicted in Hollywood movies and live happily ever after until death do you part.

Relationships are opportunities for each person to grow, evolve and come closer to a deep inner alignment.

We often think that we get attracted to a person who fits our personal type. I, for example, have always been crazy about dark features. Give me a guy with dark hair, dark eyes and dark skin, and I’m hooked!

Then there are certain features or skills that make us attracted. I always had a thing for dancers and bartenders. And a healthy lifestyle. I want my man to be active and fit.

And then there is how they treat you. We all have buttons, and if they press the right ones, we stop thinking logically and instead act like under a spell. It’s enough a man touches my neck, and I melt…

These all make sense and from my experience I can say they are true (and I feel you may agree :P ).

But then I also find myself attracted to men who do not meet these criteria. In just last few months I went crazy for a blond guy with blue eyes, one skinny man who is 6 years younger than me, and another one we dreads any form of physical activity.

Clearly, there must be more…

Let’s get back to the idea of the inner masculine and the inner feminine.

Your inner feminine provides caring, nurturing, fun, change, energy, emotions. You inner masculine provides safety, support, presence and guidance. But we don’t have all of these qualities in us, and so we search for them on the outside.

Commitment and dedication are not my strengths. These are the qualities of a strong, well developed masculine. Because I long to have my both feminine and masculine fully claimed and mature, I will look for ways to bring that commitment and dedication to my life. So imagine what will happen when a very committed and dedicated man passes my way…

On the conscious level, I don’t know that he carries these two traits. All I see is his physical looks. If I get to talk to him, I may discover some skills or hobbies he has that I find very attractive. And so I become attracted.

The same goes for men. If a man’s inner feminine, for example, lacks vitality, he will be strongly attracted to women with a powerful life force energy.

If your past relationships brought you more pain than joy, use your knowledge of the inner masculine to change it.

Since you attract men with qualities that inner masculine lack, knowing what these qualities are, and then developing them in you, will break the pattern.

In order to understand what these qualities are,  look at your past partners – both boyfriends as well as casual lovers. Also look at any man you are attracted to, even if nothing happens. That includes your celebrity crushes and movie characters. Look at your father or any other male figure that played a major role in your life. What do they have in common?

Start here. Pay attention to the situations in your life that will allow you to work on developing these qualities. The more you do that, the freer you will be to break you old patterns of choosing a partner.