Why you should stop expecting your relationship to “work out”

The time since my break-up has been probably the most intense lesson on life, love and myself. I travelled deep inside my heart to understand what I truly want. To understand what love is. And how come in 28 years of my life I never truly allowed it in my life.

I became aware of the mistakes I made in how I perceived things that came to my life. How much I myself was sabotaging my happiness and peace.

Here is one such realization…

Back in March a new girl joined our company. We have this tradition that every new person gets to say a little bit about themselves in front of the whole company, and then we get to ask them questions.

One of such question was whether she had a boyfriend.

And this is what she replied: “I do. And I hope it works out”

I remember feeling something shifting in me after hearing this.

“I hope it works out..”

It puzzled me. An then I finally got it.

We expect our relationships to work out.

But what does it mean? What has to happen for you to finally say that it did work out?

We live in a world where we expect happy couples to get married.

So is the marriage that milestone to say that it worked out?

But there are so many marriages that fall apart.

So what is it? Being together till both partners die together? How often does that happen?

We put this unnecessary pressure on every intimate relationship we enter, that it needs to work out. And we hope that this man will turn to be The One.

All of that ignores one very important thing.

People come to our lives for a reason. There is always a lesson to learn. Sometimes, both of you will learn something. Sometimes – only one person. It can be you, it can be him.

Every relationship is a lesson, an opportunity to experience something new, to understand yourself better, to grow.

And just like we might get too old to study basic algebra and move on to a new class, we get too old for certain relationships and move on to a new one.

But it doesn’t mean that they didn’t work out. At the time when you had them – they did!

Any experience that you encounter is the best experience you could have. Why? Because you’re having it!

Things happen for a reason. And they come to us in the right time. Even if that relationship ended, it was there to show you something. And at that time you probably had a lot of fun with him, enjoyed yourself, and was really happy. So it did work out!

We need to let go of the need to keep everything the way it is forever. We want things to last unchanged. But the nature of life, of every being and every thing is change. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing.

Everything, sooner or later, will change, evolve, and then die… You will die, too. Does it mean you didn’t work out?

Accept that everything is volatile. This one change in how you perceive experiences in your life, will make you appreciate them so much more.

And knowing that everything is volatile, you know that it is always perfect – just because it is happening. And you know that it will seize at some point. Which makes it all even more precious.

So don’t try to find The One who will be there your whole life.

We all have more that just one “The One”. In fact, there are many “The Ones” for us. There was one man who was The One for you 5 years ago. But 5 years ago you were different and he probably wouldn’t be The One for you now.

And there is another man, your The One in your future.

So stop expecting from relationships that they will work out. If you’re having them – it means they are.

With love,

Magda Kay

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