How to Stop Emasculating Men

Oh, the Honeymoon period!

You met someone new, and he seems behind amazing. He is a true gentleman, really listens to you, makes an effort for you, and creates a safe space.

And somehow, magically, in a matter of months or even weeks, he turns into a lazy, irritating, stupid childish boy. Where he used to be so eager to help you out, now he can’t even do the little things you asked him to do around the house. When you’re back home after a tiring day, he crashes on a sofa and watches and TV while you’re making dinner – and he won’t even think of asking you if you need help, let alone suggest he cooks so you can rest.

You start feeling more and more resentment, and inevitably it impacts your sex life. You used to desire him so much, and he used to be such a caring lover, but now it feels like a routine and you’re hardly ever in a mood.

What’s happening? How can an amazing man change so much? Or maybe he was never amazing to start with? Maybe you were blind by hormones and the feeling of falling in love and you simply never saw just how immature he is?

I want to share with you something life-changing. But I need to warn you. It may trigger resistance in you. You may think it’s all one big BS. And you have all the right to do so.

But if you’ve been experiencing the same pattern with men over and over again, why not giving it a try? Just test these ideas out before you discredit them, and let me know how they’re working for you.

Ok, so let’s get to the juicy part…

Think for a moment… when you get really frustrated with your man (or any man for that matter!) what are some of the though that come to your mind? What do you think of men in these moments?

Animals, dangerous, stupid, they only want sex, lazy, never listen, annoying, slow…. These are just some epithets that come to my mind.

In psychology, there is a term called self-fulfilling prophecy. It means that if we expect something to happen, we will make it happen.

In a famous study done on teachers, it was shown that if a teacher believe a kid to be smart, they will treat them different, encourage them more and eventually these kids will get better grades.

We see what we believe.

So if you believe men to be animals, slow or stupid, this is what you will see. It’s just how our mind works (and don’t worry honey, we all do it).

Next time you get upset with a man, notice what thoughts come to your mind. Catch yourself before you go into the story of how this (or all men) are ignorant, unsupportive, unreliable or uncaring. Constantly work on changing the perception.

I want a man who will be a true hero for me. Who will keep me safe, who will be present with me, who will always keep my best interest in mind. I want a real man.

You too?

Great.

So if you want a king, why are we continuously trying to dethrone him? if you’re trying to become a King yourself, you are not leaving any space for him.

Here lies the biggest secret to having an incredible relationship: stop trying to be the King. let him be the king by being his Queen.

Now pause for a second. Does the idea of standing next to your man as his queen trigger you? Do you feel like you’d be stepping down or settling down?

That’s how I first felt.

I realized I considered a position of a Queen less than that of a King. Which surprised me, because I was so vocal about women empowerment and here I held this strong believe that being a Queen - a woman - is somewhat worse.

Once I realized that, I could let that go and with pride step into the position of a Queen. And a queen is not weak, she is no submissive, nor quiet. She is empowered, confident and feminine. be that Queen.

Most of women don’t trust men. Most of us got hurt, at least one. We were cheated on, lied to, hurt. And so we’ve learnt that men have the power to hurt us and it’s better not fully open up to them. It’s better to be extra careful.

Let me say something that will change how you view men forever.

Men want you to be happy. No man ever intends to hurt you. Men are programs to admire women. they feed of our feminine energy. They cannot live without us.

When a man is love, he is willing to do anything for his woman. Her happiness is his happiness. And when she is sad or dissatisfied, he takes it as a personal failure.

Understand that any time you got hurt by a man, it was not his intention. Men’s brain is different than ours and they do not think the way we do. They don’t often understand us, and we are rarely being straight forward about our needs and wants. Which is what men want! They want to know exactly what will make you happy and they will rush to do it.

It feels uncomfortable for women to sat what we want. We were taught it’s not lady-like to speak our truth and voice our needs. Instead, we were told to stay quiet, submissive and passive.

As a result, men never know what we need and they cannot provide it.

Start having honest conversations with your men, telling I'm exactly what would make you happy.

Maybe it’s going to this new restaurant in town. Or having your man massage your feet after a while day at work. Or maybe you’d like him to help out in the kitchen, spend more quality time with, visit a new country together…

Learn to ask for what you want, and you will get it (he will get it for you).

But, be careful! There is a way to ask for it and you need to be cautious to follow these important rules:

- you’re making a request, not a demand

- explain what it would mean for you if he did what you’re asking for (how would that make you feel? how would that help?)

- always thank your man for providing for you, never take that for granted

- make sure he has all the information he needs to provide what you want (don’t assume he knows - tell him!)

My darling, are you ready to try these tips? Are you willing to change how you treat your man so your honeymoon period may last longer (or who knows, maybe it will never stop?)

I know it may be hard to make such profound changes if there are years of resentment, hurt and feeling of being unloved and not listened. I know it takes huge emotional effort and stepping outside of your comfort zone to do it. But I also know it's worth it. And I know you deserve to be treated like  a previous jewel that you are. And I hope the tips I shared with you today will help you get that.

With love,

Magda Kay