12 things we don’t say often enough

I strongly believe that small things can make big changes. Sometimes, it takes only these few words to put a smile on another person’s face. If we all said these 12 things more often, we would all be happier and at peace.

There is a beautiful poem by a Polish priest with this one line:

“Let us hurry to love people for they depart so quickly”

Those who lost their loved ones often say they wish they had told them they loved them more often.

So why don’t we?

Do you remember how it made you feel to hear from your man “I love you” when you were deeply in love? So why do we forget to say it after some time?

I believe we should all be starting every single day by telling people we love, that we love them. And say it like you mean it. Too often people just throw these words around, but they sound fake.

Instead, look the person in their eyes, and for a couple of seconds do nothing else but that. Feel the strong connection with them, feel the love, and only then say “I love you”.

There are 2 rules to giving:

1. Always do things for others without expecting anything in return, and

2. Appreciate and show gratitude when somebody does something for you

Saying thank you is the simplest way to do it. It doesn’t cost you anything and it means everything to the other person.

Remember, it is not your right to have people help you. It is not your right to receive anything.

Everything good that happens in your life is a pure gift and you should always treat it as a gift .

Say thank you to compliments as well. Too often we brush these off by saying “oh, it’s nothing” or “you shouldn’t have to”. If this is your pattern, I want you to try something.

Do something nice for your friend today. Get them a coffee, cook lunch for them. And then ask them to say “oh, you didn’t have to”.

How did it make you feel? Do you want to do anything else for that person?

Then try it again, but this time have your friend simply reply “thank you”. Feel the difference?

We think we’re being modest and humble when we say “it’s ok” or “it’s not true” when we receive a compliment. But the truth is you’re hurting the person who decided to do something nice for you.

So just say “thank you”. Nothing else. Only these 3 words.

Have you noticed how often we say “I’m sorry” when we really shouldn’t? Women seem to be saying it automatically even when there is nothing they should be sorry for.

We pass papers to our colleague and he drops it – we say “sorry”. We pass coffee to our friend who spills it – we say “sorry”.

And have you noticed how we don’t say “I’m sorry” when we really should? When were early did something bad to other person, when we hurt them… where is our “sorry” then?

So yeah, we should be saying “I’m sorry” more often, but say in in the right moment. And mean it.

In case you didn’t know – yes, you are enough. Everybody is. Exactly the way we are. We don’t need to change anything about ourselves to be enough.

But we continuously hear how we should be skinnier, or work harder, or do more, or dress better… There is so much social pressure that most of us forgot this truth. So remind them. Remind them they are enough.

Have you ever heard of a “self-fulfilling prophecy”?

It’s the idea that if you expect something, it will happen. If you expect a person to be rude, you will subconsciously act the way that will make them react in a rude way. Oh and guess what – you were right, they are rude!

There is an experiment that shows just how powerful effects this phenomenon can have on us.

In a randomly chosen class of young chidden, teachers were told that half (again, randomly chosen) of the students have high IQ, while the other half has a low IQ. That had nothing to do with the actual results of the IQ test that the children took.

What happened? Experimenters came back after few years and what they noticed was that the children teachers were told had high IQ indeed performed much better in class! Teachers expected them to excel and so they treated them differently, encouraging them to learn more and believe in themselves – and so they did.

This is why saying “you can do it” can literally change a person’s life. You make them expect that they can and so they will.

As often as you can, encourage others. Even when you don’t truly believe they can. After all, it’s not you who needs to believe in them – it’s them.

We all make mistakes, we all hurt other people, without meaning to. And we all deserve to be forgiven. You are not defined by your mistakes. You deserve a second chance. Everybody does.

So let go of grudges. Accept that we all make mistakes from time to time. But don’t let it ruin your relationships or your wellbeing. Tell people you forgive them and focus on the now, rather than thinking about the past (which has passed already ;p)

Sometimes all a person needs to hear is that things are going to work out and everything will be ok. We don’t always need to give people solutions or tell them what they should do. We just need to be there for them and hold a space for them. And help them stay positive that no matter what’s happening now, things always work out in the end.

It’s said that the 2 most dangerous words are “I know”.

Attitude of knowing everything is what stops us from growing and what often causes problems in our relationships.

Admit that sometimes you don’t know (and you really don’t know everything). That allows you to listen and learn. More than once you might find yourself changing your beliefs realising that there were based on a faulted premise. It’s ok. It’s called growth.

And trust me, being in a relationship with somebody who always knows everything is just painful.

You have a right to your opinion. Every person has a right to their opinion. We don’t always agree, but that shouldn’t be a reason to take away your love. You can still love and like a person even though you don’t agree on some matters. And you can still respect and accept them without the need to change them.

Remember that our opinions and beliefs are based on our life experiences. Your life is very different from the lives of your friends or loved ones. 

They experienced different things, so their opinions will be different. Questioning their beliefs is like telling them that their life experience doesn’t matter. that your life is somehow better and more right. And you know it’s not.

Use compliments like confetti! Pour it over people with no limits. It makes such a difference in a person’s day to hear that they look nice, or that they are good at something.

Random acts of kindness rock and we all should be doing them more often. Not to get anything in return. Not to show others how good we are. But simply because we want to.

I try to do something nice for another person every day. Pick a random person, it can be your friend or a stranger. And simply do something nice for them! You can get them a coffee, flowers, help them carry groceries, or pick something for them if they are busy.

Sometimes, the best thing you can say, is anything…

Now, remember to say these things to yourself, too :)

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